The Literary Quest of Epic Proportions
by strange-forever
Summary: A crossover between Harry Potter and LOTR. Trying to keep this one relatively short in terms of chapter size and simple in terms of plot. Hopefully this'll turn out well and be less of a ramble than others. So yeah, read and enjoy.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own either the characters or the storylines of Harry Potter or The Lord of the Rings. The first belongs to J.K Rowling and the second to J.R.R. Tolkien. I also do not own the beginning of the story until the book begins to skip.

**Chapter 1**

… Brazen trumpets sounded. The enemy surged forward, some against the Deeping Wall, others towards the causeway and the ramp that led up to the Hornburg-gates. There the hugest Orcs were mustered, and the wild men of the Dunland fells. A moment the hesitated and then on they came. The lightning flashed, and blazoned upon every helm and shield the ghastly hand of Isengard was seen. They reached the summit of the rock; they drove towards the gates… Eomer and Aragorn stood together on the Deeping Wall. The heard the roar of voices and the thudding of the rams; and then in a sudden flash of light they beheld the peril of the gates.

'Come!' said Aragorn. 'This is the hour when we draw swords together!'

…

A keen wind was blowing from the North again. The clouds were torn and drifting, and stars peeped out; and above the hills of the Coomb-side the westering moon rode, glimmering yellow in the storm-wrack.

'We did not come too soon,' said Aragorn… 'Devilry of Saruman!'… Aragorn laughed. 'Every man has something too dear to trust to another… Boromir is dead,'

Eomer glanced up in confusion. He had been going along with the flow for quite some time but the telling of the battle was becoming far more nonsensical by the hour… or was it minutes? Nearby an oncoming Orc stopped and froze in position before moving forward a little and stopping again. Even his own movements became less fluid and he made his way towards Aragorn in a jolting walk.

'Something weird is going on…' a headless figure said quietly from the ground. Legolas looked around – a slight frown creasing his brow as he noticed his movements becoming less graceful and more humanlike.

'The book is skipping…' came the disembodied mutter from the now halting battle.

Aragorn threw a fearful and slightly confused glance towards Legolas who returned it with a puzzled expression. Gimli began walking towards the other three, only to find that in the next eye blink he had been thrown several paces forward so he was now almost touching the elf.

'I don't understand…' Aragorn began before looking around and proceeding to speak extremely slowly. 'How…. can…. the…. book…. be……….. skipping?' His efforts were soon rewarded by his arm being forced upwards and his hand being sent to his nose.

'Hahaha, stop hitting yourself. Ow!' Gimli stopped moving and followed the others' gaze skywards.

'Someone is tampering with the words… the tapestry of words… the gentle weave by which our actions are determined and bound within history.'

All eyes turned to Eomer and silence fell, all thinking the one thing… whoever was tampering with the book was certainly cruel at heart forcing the characters to spout sentences such as that. Théoden had somehow managed to move towards the group unnoticed by the author and now made his presence known with a question.

'But… DVD's weren't even invented at the time we were created in a book… how do we know about them let alone the term "skipping"'.

Eomer looked toward his uncle and shrugged slightly.

'What, you're confused over the fact that we know about DVDs but not that the book seems to have come to a complete standstill?'

And indeed, the young Eomer was right… for all around them the battle had come to a complete stop. Not one figure moved apart from the main characters who had now all gathered in Helms Deep. Nazgul next to Hobbit, Orc next to Elf. Legolas frowned slightly as Frodo wandered through the doors of the keep looking about him in bewilderment and trailed by Sam and Gollum.

'What are you doing here?'

'I don't know… one minute I was being chased by a giant spider and the next minute… it's all white… I had to backtrack to the last place where the story existed.'

'You mean the story's being erased?'

Frodo shrugged and moved to Merry's side who had only just arrived with Pippin and Treebeard.

'But that doesn't make sense? What about the rest of the trilogy?'

Eomer looked across at Legolas who shrugged.

'Hold on, I'll check.'

Aragorn disappeared for a few moments before arriving back at Helms Deep on the opposite side of the wall.

'Everything's gone!'

'Why?'

A cold laugh was heard from among them. A cold laugh which was not familiar to any of the villains among them. All frowned and turned to see a bald man with snake slits for nostrils and bright red eyes. Gimli let out a yelp of surprise and jumped into Legolas' arms from shock.

'Dude, you are fuglier than any Orc I've ever seen.'

Voldemort ignored him and moved towards Gandalf, smiling benignly.

'Ah, you have your very own Dumbledore.'

Gandalf gave a snort of indignation.

'Sir, I am far wiser, than that old fool. Let's face it… I'm the coolest one in this book. Dumbledore places all his hopes in a 15 year-old boy. I've read the novels and I have to say…'

Aragorn quickly clapped a hand over Gandalf's mouth before he managed to offend someone again. After all, Fantasy books had to stick together. Voldemort considered Gandalf for a moment before smiling slightly.

'Whatever… I think I can answer your question though…' He said turning to Eomer and pulling a number of bound pages from his robes. 'This, is the remainder of your trilogy. You will help me rewrite the ending of the book I am from or I torch them all!' He let forth a burst of evil maniacal laughter before stopping abruptly. 'Sorry… force of habit. I've always wanted to do it but my author never let me conform to the "traditional bad guy" roll.'

'I know how that feels…'

Muttered Saruman from the back of the group. Their eyes met for a moment and understanding flashed between them before the author stopped her clichéd writing and descriptions.

Aragron looked at the others. He knew the laws of literature… that no character was allowed to meddle with other plots… and that Voldemort would most certainly become outlawed for this. On the other hand they were completely lost without the rest of their trilogy.

'You know… I've never been here before…'

Said Frodo, looking about in something between awe and disgust. Eomer was looking Voldemort up and down before finally coming to the conclusion that he should say something to lighten the mood and bring on the end of the chapter.

'Yeah, well there's one thing I want to know… where'd you get that dress Voldemort?'

'This is a robe!'

Came the slightly annoyed reply.


End file.
